A Funny Thing Happened on the way to Dinner
by Remi1
Summary: Hunter and McCall go out on their first date. Will it go as planned?


A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Dinner  
Part 1  
Friday at the station was winding down and the two detectives were greatly looking   
forward to their weekend of relaxation. "Hey, what are you doing tonight anyway?"   
Hunter asked McCall as she was packing up her things.   
  
"A very hot bubble bath is calling my name. I'm also reading a great book that I can't   
wait to finish. And that, Partner, is my exciting Friday night plans. You?"  
  
"Well, I'm going out for dinner and possibly a movie tonight …with you." He added   
with a cute little smirk, "That's only of you're very, very good to me."  
  
"Ahha, well Hunter, Darling, I'm pretty sure I just told you my plans for the night and   
surprisingly they didn't involve dinner or a movie."  
  
"Lookit McCall, if you'd rather I join you in the bubble bath I'm willing to make that   
kind of sacrifice for you. It's just that I thought we'd take things a little slower. But if   
you'd rather…"  
  
With a smile on her lips and in her eyes, as she knew this was just the beginning of banter   
that seems to flow so easily between the two she continued, "Ya know, we spend every   
single work day together. We're in here facing each other every single morning by 8a.m.   
We don't leave each other's side until well after 6 every night. I would have thought   
you'd be thrilled to get rid of me come Friday night. But, I guess I am a little flattered   
that you'd like to spend even more time with me."  
  
"Ahhh, don't be so flattered McCall. I'm bored, that's all. I have no plans and I really   
want to do something. So, what do you say?"  
  
"How is that possible? How can it be? No plans? I just don't get it!" Laughingly, "And   
ohhhh, just what every girl wants to hear, 'I'll go out with you because I'm bored out of   
my freakin' mind and have absolutely nothing else to do.' Hunter, you are such a   
romantic."  
  
"Jeez McCall, I'm not trying to seduce you. Believe me, if I were trying to seduce you   
I'd wine and dine you so much you'd be begging me for more. You can believe that   
much."  
  
Now, outright laughing at his mock sincerity, "I should hope that you're not trying to get   
me into bed Hunter, because if this is all you've got, I have something to tell you pal.   
You need some serious help. No wonder you need me to go out with you tonight. If   
that's the way you go about getting a woman I'm sure you've been a very, very lonely   
man lately."  
  
Ouch, "Oh, nice McCall, coming from the woman who has a date with a tub and a book."   
Hunter is beginning to sense a game here. Now, if only he can play his cards right.   
"O.k., I'll tell you what." McCall amusingly partaking in this plot which was becoming   
quite intriguing, was glued to this conversation. "Here's the deal. I will wine and dine   
you. I will show you a great night on the town. I swear McCall, I will have you eating   
out of the palms of my hands. Like I said before, you will be begging for more. Now,   
here's the catch…if you beg,…like I know you will," he paused to watched the twinkle in   
her eyes, "and I somehow do mange to seduce you -- you'll go with it. No fighting it, no   
changing your mind. If you murmur a 'please Rick, more' then we're going for it!" He   
knew without a doubt that she was having as much fun hearing this as he had saying it.   
"By the way, what's your idea of a romantic dinner? Serenaded with Mexican food?   
Candlelight with Italian? Anything you want you've got. Just name it and let the magic   
begin," he concluded his offer with a rub of his hands.  
  
Ohhhhh, there is just so much potential with this game, she thought. Let's see… "I want   
to go to the Seafood House. Ummm," she slowly continued with the occasional lick of   
her lips, "crap imperial with hot melted butter drizzled over lobster tail. Nice hot, fresh,   
buttered rolls. Oh, Oh, Oh let's not forget to start with the New England clam chowder.   
And of course I want a Caesar salad. A bottle of wine would also do very nicely. Now   
Hunter, if you want to show me your romantic side, let's start there."  
  
"Go home. Shower. Pew, you need it McCall…"   
  
"Hey," she interrupted."  
  
"Shhhhh! Shower and get dressed up in that black dress you have, you know, the one   
with the slit that goes from here to there. Wear you're hair down too. And those earring   
things that you have. You know the ones I mean?"  
  
"You are so demanding. But for you Rick Hunter, consider it done. Be at my place at   
8:00, o.k.?"  
  
"You got it."  
  
McCall grabbed her stuff and began her exit when she heard Hunter say, "Oh, and while   
you're in the shower, shave your legs. Believe me, you won't regret it."  
  
"Goodbye Hunter," she said with a roll of the eyes, all the while the smile still glued to   
her face.   
  
However, when she was in the shower she made a great attempt to not only shave her   
legs, but remove ALL unwanted body hair…just in case – one never knows for sure!  
  
  
Part 2  
Leave it to Hunter. He arrived at 7:57. So typical. She was ready and waiting though.   
"Wow, you look…wow!"  
  
"O.k. Rick, I think we're off to a very good start. And let me return the   
compliment…wow right back at you. You look terrific. So very handsome," she said   
with complete honestly as she reached out to straighten his tie.  
  
"For you Miss. McCall," and with that he pulled from behind his back a dozen long-  
stemmed red roses. They were breathtaking.   
  
"They are absolutely beautiful Hunter. Thank you so much. You're just full of surprises,   
aren't you? Let me just put these into some water and then we can go."  
  
Hunter had spent all his cash in the flower store and explained he had to make a quick run   
to the bank. He further explained he hadn't stopped first because he didn't want to be   
late for their "date." 'Oh my god, who is this gorgeous, sweet, considerate and   
yes…romantic man? This is too weird. But definitely a nice kind of weird. Glad I   
shaved my legs,' she thought during the drive to the bank.  
  
They parked in the lot and McCall stated since they were here anyway, she should   
probably go in too and deposit her check. Therefore the stunning pair left the safety of   
the car and entered the bank. Both had so many thoughts flying through their own heads   
that neither seemed to notice anything strange about the bank before entering. That   
quickly ended as soon as they stepped foot in. Immediately a gun was drawn to the back   
of McCall's head upon entering the bank. "This is a hold up."  
  
What?!?! "You've got to be kidding me," Hunter said completely dumbfounded. "Hey   
man, does this look like some kind of joke to you?" he grabbed McCall, pulled her face   
to the loaded gun and shook it as an attempt to further impact on his statement. "Get over   
there with the rest of them."  
  
Hunter and McCall did a quick survey of the bank. One man, the guard had been fatally   
shot and laid next to the first cash register. They found 13 customers – excuse me,   
hostages and 4 bank tellers. There appeared to be 2 gunmen grabbing money from   
behind the stations, 1 by the back door and another 1, which had already introduced   
himself to both Hunter and McCall. Hunter unleashed his gun from its holster. McCall   
managed to slide her gun from her purse and into her boot without being noticed. Good   
thing she did that because seconds afterwards her purse was confiscated by one of the   
gunmen. Both were ready to pounce when the time came.   
  
Apparently someone had set off the silent alarm before Hunter and McCall had even   
entered because less than 3 minutes after they got there the bank was surrounded. This   
was obviously not at all what the gunmen had in mind. They were all beginning to panic.   
"This isn't the way it's supposed to go…We were supposed to be outta here   
already…Check the back, can we get out that way?" Numerous questions were being   
asked by the gunmen to each other and none of them had any answers. Hunter and   
McCall both knew this was not going to turn out well. A crisis situation is one thing,   
hostages another, but when the gunmen panic, no one is in control and nothing is   
predictable. McCall began looking around for possible outs.   
  
  
  
  
Two hours later…  
  
The gunmen remained separated from each other, thereby making it impossible for   
Hunter and McCall to disarm all of them and end this turmoil. Both detectives remained   
calm, but the calmer they seemed, the more out of control the gunmen appeared to be.   
The constant phone calls from the police, the spotlights filtering in through the bank   
windows, the snipers on the roofs, the little girl crying hysterically in her mother's   
arms…all this proved to be too much for the gunmen. They began to yell louder now and   
appeared completely incoherent.   
  
  
5 hours into the hostage crisis…  
  
McCall had a plan. She eyed Hunter and something unexplainable occurred. They often   
attribute this talent to having spent so much time together, but McCall was able to speak   
to Hunter, tell him her entire plan, and he hers, without the two ever speaking one word.   
They said it all through their eye contact. They believed they could read each other's   
mind with just a quick glance.  
  
McCall quietly approached a pregnant hostage who looked like she was about ready to   
give birth. She identified herself, "I'm a police officer. There's another police officer in   
here with me. I have a plan, but I need your help." Sheer panic could be read from this   
woman's facial expressions. "Listen, " McCall continued, "I need you to draw attention   
to yourself. I need for you to pretend to be in labor." The woman immediately began to   
refuse the task she was assigned. McCall could not allow that to happen. "Listen to me,'   
she said reassuringly, "I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. But I need you to   
start yelling. Pretend you're in labor and don't stop. For heaven's sake, don't stop! I   
need you to distract these men. I promise you," she said with such urgency, "I swear, I   
will not let anything happen to you. Please, believe me. I will get you out of here alive.   
You, your baby, and everyone else here. But you have to help me. Do you understand?"   
The woman was simply not going for it. She widened her eyes and shook her head no.   
McCall weighed her options and decided she would force this woman to help her if she   
had to.  
  
"Oh my god," yelled McCall. The gunmen pointed their guns toward her direction.   
"This woman's in labor." Please, please, please, she pleaded with her eyes. And just like   
she thought, the pregnant woman began to play out her role. She really had no choice,   
McCall made sure of that.   
  
"Owwww," cried the woman. "Please, help me. I think I'm having my baby. Please…"  
The gunmen all seemed to stop doing what they had previously been doing and stared   
blankly at this pregnant woman. McCall silently pleaded for more from the woman. At   
that point the woman began fully screaming and crying. She became utterly hysterical   
directly in front of McCall's very own eyes. And McCall realized she was no longer   
putting on an act. The screams were real – very real. But they weren't screams from   
labor, they were screams from pure terror.  
  
McCall shot Hunter one quick look and both raised with their loaded guns pointed,   
hollering, "Police, freeze." Hunter immediately shot one while McCall got off a shot at   
another. All hostages ducked for their very lives and hid behind anything they could   
find. Hunter managed to knock another one out with either his fists or the butt of his gun,   
but the last one did the unexpected. The last standing gunman did not attempt to take a   
shot at Hunter or McCall. He did not try to flee. Instead, he tore a little girl from her   
mother's arms and raised his loaded gun to her head. Both Hunter and McCall froze.  
  
"I'll kill her. I swear I will." McCall watched in horror as the little girls' mother literally   
begged for the life of her daughter. There was nothing the detectives could do. "Put your   
guns down, or I will kill her."  
  
Hunter began very calmly, "We can't do that. Listen, there's no way out of here. The   
building is surrounded. Man, you have two cops aiming their guns directly at your head.   
If you hurt that little girl you'll die. If you want to live, your only choice here is to put   
her down."  
  
"That's no choice," the gunman was screaming with fear in his voice and had actual tears   
running down his face.  
  
Now it was McCall's turn. "Listen to me, o.k.?" she began in an attempt to deescalate   
the situation which had exploded in mere seconds. "You don't want to do this. You   
don't want to hurt this little girl. It doesn't have to be this way. If you put down the gun   
and give the girl back to her mother we can settle this. You haven't really done anything   
wrong yet. You're just an accessory. That's all. We've been here the entire time. You   
didn't hurt anyone. You haven't done anything horrible - yet. But don't make that   
mistake now. If you don't put the gun down, you'll be pinned for everything that   
happened here tonight when it wasn't even your fault. You don't want to take the blame   
for your buddies, do you?" He was listening and managed to shake his head no.  
  
"Of course you don't and you shouldn't have to. Like I said, you were just an accessory.   
Look, you have two cops right here with you. Two cops who will accompany you   
outside and make sure that no one hurts you. You don't have to worry about that. Also,   
we can testify on your behalf in court. I mean, come on. Two cops willing to testify that   
it wasn't your fault. We can be your character witnesses and any judge would love that.   
We'll tell the court that you were dragged into this. You didn't want to do this, right?"   
  
"Right," the gunman replied still holding the little girl tightly in his arms, a little too   
tightly for McCall's liking.  
  
"Of course I'm right. I bet after our testimony, telling the judge how you compromised   
with us, how helpful you had been throughout this entire ordeal, and how you refused to   
hurt anyone, including that little girl, there's just no way you'd even spend one night in   
jail. I bet you might actually look like a hero. Ya know what, I kind of already think you   
are," she added with a smile hoping she wasn't laying it on too thick. "You're doing the   
right thing here. Just put that girl down and I promise, we'll take care of you."  
  
The gunman was debating all that was being said. He knew he was trapped. He was   
being swayed by the promises of the police. "Ahhhh, ok. If I put the girl down can I just   
go home?"  
  
"No, you know you can't do that," Hunter said. "But my partner's right. You'll look like   
a hero. We'll take care of you. Just put the little girl down."  
  
Now with promises from both, the gunman awkwardly dropped the little girl who   
immediately scrambled back into her mother's arms.   
  
"Very good. You're doing great," stated McCall ever so slightly more relaxed. "Now,   
just drop your gun and this whole thing is all over. You are doing so well."  
  
"Hey, I can't drop my gun. No, I won't."  
  
"No, it's… it's o.k.," she continued. "We already have a plan here, remember? I just   
need for you to follow your part so we can do ours. Come on, we already talked about   
this. I just need you to drop your gun." Finally, after more arguments occurred he did   
just that. "Just kick it towards me. It's o.k. You're doing really great. Just kick it over   
here." With that he did not struggle, as he knew this was all over. He felt certain the   
police would keep their promise.   
  
As soon as McCall grabbed the gun Hunter rushed the gunman, tightly fitting him with   
handcuffs and spitting all sorts of profanity at him. Hunter grabbed him by his hair and   
shirt and harshly pushed him out the door and into the arms of the first police officer   
Hunter spied. "Arrest him. Book him on everything you can think of. Good riddins pal.   
Take the key and lock that bastard up, will ya?"  
  
"But, but…" was all the gunman could mutter before being forcibly removed from the   
scene.  
  
Hunter and McCall bypassed the television and news crews that had been present during   
the hostage crisis. They refused to comment. They received many pats on the back for a   
job well done by fellow hostages as well as the awaiting police. They also claimed   
exhaustion and managed to get out of giving their statements that same night, while   
promising to do it first thing Monday morning.  
  
"I'm starving Hunter."   
  
"Me too."  
  
  
  
Part 3  
As the two rounded the corner of Burbank and Cahuenga they spotted some fast food   
joint open 24 hours.   
  
"I'll have the number 4: fried fish sandwich, fries and a large coke." Hunter ordered the   
cheeseburger combo.  
  
As McCall began gorging on her sandwich she noticed Hunter wasn't eating his. "What's   
wrong? Oh Hunter, what's wrong with your burger? Don't tell me there's a bug in your   
food. Please, I'm too hungry to put mine down."  
  
"Nope, no bug," but he still didn't pick up his burger all the while still smiling.  
  
"Then what? Why aren't you eating?"  
  
"It's just that I realized I promised you a seafood dinner tonight," he began with laughing   
eyes.  
  
"Yeah, and?"  
  
"And? And what McCall? Here it is!"  
  
"WHAT?!? What are you talking about Hunter?" completely lost in this conversation.  
  
"Well, I just think it's funny. I promised you seafood and of all the things you could   
have ordered here tonight you picked the fish."  
  
"Hunter, this is NOT seafood. This is…well, it's barely fish parts fried in breadcrumbs.   
Hardly seafood."  
  
"McCall, you could have ordered the burger, but you didn't. Regardless of what you say   
you are eating fish. See, this evening is turning out exactly the way it should have. I   
followed through with my end of the bargain." With raised eyebrows, "And now it's   
your turn."  
  
With that McCall choked on her soda. "You have got to be kidding me. You think THIS   
is the way tonight was supposed to go? You are out of your mind. The only place I'm   
going, Hunter, is to bed."  
  
"Exactly. My god McCall, you're right on. You finally get it! Bed was supposed to be   
the next place. You see DeeDee, exactly as I planned."  
  
Probably due to total exhaustion she could not help but begin laughing. "No Hunter, I   
don't think YOU get it. Yes, I am going to bed, but I'm going to bed alone. Me at my   
house, you at yours."  
  
Shortly thereafter Hunter dropped McCall off in front of her house and waited until she   
entered safely before driving home to crawl into his own bed.  
  
  
  
Interesting though, because Monday afternoon instead of going out for lunch like usual,   
McCall brought in shrimp cocktail – for two. Never let a thing like shaving off all   
unwanted body hair go to waste. That's my motto!  



End file.
